“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” -Kurt Vonnegut
If I had to name the filter that’s been casting its spell on my world, it would be simply “rotten”. I have a thin, but stubborn film of hard, hate and bitterness in everything I think, and everything I do these days. It’s poisoning my heart this rotten, cynical filter, and the only thing that makes me feel like myself…is that I feel it there…and I want to be free from it.
I don’t like who I have become. I don’t like that my heart has grown distant from the positive, genuine people in my life. I don’t like that I expect the worst out of people before seeing their best. I don’t like the judgey, I don’t like the intolerant, I don’t like the caddy, easily irritated exterior I have let grow unchecked.
I have always been proud to still, no matter what happens, believe the world to be a beautiful place, with beautiful people. Worth going out on a limb for, and even worth some heartache. I’ve wandered off my path…and now I’m just aching to defy this direction and get back to what I know. This isn’t me.
Hurt and disappointment led me here for sure, but I choose not to stay here. I’m not ready to stop believing. As hard as it is, I want to be soft; free.